Real

My counselor is the bomb. (yes, I still say that)  Wednesday I started off my counseling session by telling her that our relationship wasn't "real."  Probbbbably not what she was expecting.  I absolutely love my counselor, and I love that I can be brutally honest with her.  She handled it like a pro, but asked what about it wasn't real to me.  The first 3 things that popped to mind:

1. It's one-sided.
2. Our time is structured and limited.
3. I pay her to talk to me.

I wasn't upset with her, I was just expressing some general frustrations with counseling.  And while there are limitations on our relationship, every relationship needs boundaries.  And our counseling relationship is actually not as "by the book" as you'd expect.  We laugh, we know each other outside of counseling, and she is an open book.  We are friends.  I can ask her anything.  And she is not afraid to bring the heat.  She doesn't mince words like the Slap Chop.

Wednesday as I was venting/wallowing/processing you know what she said to me?  "It seems like everything I'm saying is bouncing off of you like one of those 25¢ high-bouncy-balls from the mall."  So you know what she did?  Instead of using feeling words or formulas, she was quiet.  She didn't act fake or tell me everything would be ok.  She just sat with me.  She prayed.  She listened. 

And she told me she was "hoping for me."  I'm pretty sure I gave her a blank stare, but after the session I realized what she was doing.  She was hoping for me when I had lost hope.  She was praying for me when I couldn't pray.  She was pleading with God for me when I couldn't face Him.  And that was real.